The Biggest Mistake Wives Make
I’ve done it too.
The mistake:
☕ Focusing on changing your husband instead of changing yourself.
☕ Dwelling on his faults instead of your own.
Here’s the truth:
You are not your husband’s sanctifier—Christ is. Your role is not to manage his growth, but to walk in obedience to the Lord in your own calling as a wife.
Instead of asking:
• “Why doesn’t he lead better?”
• “Why won’t he change?”
• “Why does he always…?”
Ask yourself:
• “Am I being a gentle and respectful wife (1 Peter 3:1–4)?”
• “Am I walking in humility, love, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23)?”
• “Am I taking every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)?”
The truth is, when a wife begins to walk in godliness, rooted in truth instead of emotions, she brings peace into the home—not by changing her husband, but by being changed herself. Her quiet strength, joy in the Lord, and faithful obedience are powerful testimonies.
🕊️A peaceful wife is a powerful influence. Not loud. Not controlling. Just quietly, steadily anchored in Christ.
🕊️ That’s where real change begins—not in him, but in you.
Remember:
🌿 You can’t change his heart. But you can guard yours.
🌿 You can’t convict him. But the Holy Spirit can.
🌿 You can’t sanctify him. But your obedience can make your home a sanctuary where God is pleased to work.
I know firsthand how dangerous this mistake is—because I once walked in it.
The fruit was atrocious. It completely poisoned our marriage.
The more I focused on all the things I wished my husband did—or didn’t do…
The more I meditated on how he had hurt or offended me…
The more depressed and anxious I became.
The more resentful and hardened in his ways my husband became.
The more unpleasant our home became.
And it even affected my children.
The more our marriage suffered, the more disobedient, argumentative, and hyperactive they became.
But when I started focusing on how I could be a more Biblical wife—instead of how he could be a more Biblical husband…
When I started reflecting on how my actions might have hurt or offended him—instead of obsessing over how his actions hurt me…
Everything changed.
I began to think about how I could show him love and respect.
I began to think about how I could be a blessing to him.
The whole tone of our home shifted.
And my husband actually became more perceptive of his own actions and how they might hurt me—without me having to say a word.
And if I did occasionally express how something hurt me, he was ready to listen and repent—because he saw how much treating him well mattered to me.
Biblical womanhood often draws out Biblical manhood.
But feminism and bitterness will often shut it down—and make it even harder for your husband to lead in love.
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”
I Peter 3:1-2 NKJV
God’s Word is not wrong.
Trust and obey sisters.
I know it can be hard, but with God all things are possible.
❤️Lastly, I want to add some necessary caveats because I do not want to be misunderstood.❤️
‼️I am NOT saying that a wife can never lovingly and respectfully confront her husband’s sin or communicate with him about a problem. Marriages should have open and respectful communication that comes from both the wife and the husband in order to solve problems.
‼️I’m also not advocating for a wife to remain in a dangerously abusive marriage. If you are in an abusive marriage, call the police and your church pastors immediately. (But also, don’t claim you are in an abusive marriage simply because your husband corrects you or gives you instructions—he is supposed to lead you.)
Blessings,
Stacey
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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We are supporters and helpers, NOT LEADERS. We are responsible for ourselves and our children. We are not responsible for our husbands. We cannot speak blessing over them — we don’t have that authority — but we can pray *for* them. Becuase when they reach eternity, we have to answer for ourselves and our role as wives and mothers. Our husbands have to answer for their entire household. Have compassion, flexibility, stop being an offended martyr and be a help meet for the husband *you chose*.
Fantastic. 🏆🏆🏆 Also I will add: don’t use the scriptures as a bludgeon for your latest irk… that can go both ways and it is an ugly approach for loving relationships.